Dealing With Disappointment

Disappointment sucks.

There’s no two ways about it.

Last summer, I had an opportunity that I was incredibly excited about–an opportunity for which I’d barely dared to hope. In fact, when I first heard about this opportunity my response was, “God, please don’t toy with my heart; don’t let this fall through.” I worked and I prepped and I planned everything around this specific dream. Last minute, it did fall through and I found myself feeling devastated. The very thing I’d begged God not to let happen had happened.

I admit I was angry. I’d scarcely allowed myself to hope and my hope had been disappointed. Again. I could hear the swirl of accusations rise up within me: “How dare you!” “This is the one thing I begged You not to let happen!” “Am I just a game to you?” “You don’t care about me at all!”

I was at Friday night service when I received the news. I was sitting in the fourth row of the sanctuary as the worship played. I stared at the bad news bearing text message and cried. In the background, the worship team played the song, “Never Going Back” by United Pursuit. The chorus is simple, “I’ve made up my mind, I’m never going back, I’m never going back.”

Accusation and disappointment felt overwhelming. And at the same time, I knew I was faced with a choice. I could play the all-too-familiar “blame game” and accuse God of misleading me. Or I could trust Him.

For years, I believed God is good sometimes. In theory, I believed He is good. But in my heart of hearts, I believed He didn’t genuinely care about me or my life. Or He cared sometimes. Disappointment, setbacks, and heartaches solidified my belief in a schizophrenic god who listened to my wide eyed dreams one day and then cruelly crushed them another. As I sat in the swirl of accusing thoughts and rich worship, I made a decision: I would no longer define the nature God by my circumstances. He is bigger than my life. He is bigger than my circumstances. He is bigger than my understanding. And He is good.

It was a simple decision. But it has profoundly impacted my life. No longer is His character up for debate every time I experience a setback. No longer does disappointment cause me to question whether He has my best in mind. No longer do I view God as a two-sided prankster, while I cross my fingers hoping to get His good side.

The way you navigate disappointment can make or break you. I would never encourage you to numb your emotions or run from pain as embracing pain is a pivotal step to healing. And embracing pain often means being completely honest with God about your emotions, even admitting when we think He’s to blame. However, in the middle of your disappointment, I would encourage you not to jump to conclusions about who He is. Process disappointment, but don’t allow disappointment to stay. In the middle of everything, invite God to show Himself to you as He truly is; allow His nature to speak for itself.

You may just find that He really is good.