Tonight was one of those nights where the whole world felt like too much. I’ve been on an intentional healing journey for a few months now and it’s been very up and down. The last two weeks I’ve been on supplements that left me feeling physically beat.
Top that off with an uncertain housing situation, a massive to-do list, and some major decisions, and I felt unfit for anything. In the middle of the overwhelm, I sat on my bed and journaled, simply giving myself permission to “be.”
I could be overwhelmed.
I could be worn out.
I could be uncertain.
I could be frustrated.
I could be sad.
I didn’t have to solve anything or rationalize anything, I could simply be.
I spent years judging my emotions and attempting to solve them instead of letting them take their course. However, I’m learning to let them come, wash over me like a wave, and move on. As quickly as they come, they go.
Judging my emotions only ever caused me to feel shame and frustration. Ignoring them simply caused them to build up until they burst open. I don’t allow my emotions to make decisions for me and I don’t come to any conclusions when experiencing a wave of emotion. However, I no longer hide from the wave.
As quickly as the wave came, it was gone. In the sand left behind, I found creativity and joy and courage. Giving myself permission to be present in the hard moments also gives me permission to be present in the joyful ones. So maybe don’t ignore uncertainty or pain next time one shows up.
Maybe let it in. And it will let itself out.
Katelyn Alexander 